As Much Hurt A Man Can Take
by LOJSS
Summary: Set during 2x12. Damon's lost, metaphorically, existentially and Elena's his saviour.


_Set after 2x12; The Descent. Damon kills Rose and finds himself laying in the middle of the street. Then a car appears, only Damon finds out it not the car he wanted it to be.._

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries.  
_

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**As Much Hurt A Man Can Take  
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He was lost. Metaphorically, existentially.

Since his appearance in Mystic Falls, there had been more than enough of things going on for a lifetime. It had been vampires, welewolves, Originals, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, brothers, love, hurt, death, the list could go on.

Damon laid in the middle of the street, watching the midnight blue sky full of stars. A few hours ago, he had pushed a stake through Rose's heart. She was curled up in his arms when he did it. Tonights event officially made it to the top 3 of the hardest things he have ever done.

After he'd gone to see Sheriff Forbes and cleared up the vampire issue in town, he was hoping he would come home to an empty, peaceful house. But as that would even be an option. Of course Elena had been there, waiting for him for God knows how long.

_"You was supposed to leave." Damon said, as he closed the door behind him and walked down the hall._

_"I did." She said, and held out a glass of Bourbon for him to take. "But then I came back to make sure you were okay."_

_"Well, I appreciate the gesture." Damon said sarcastically. "I'm just glad it's over." He chugged down the liquid from the glass in one motion._

_"You know I don't believe that," Elena said. She watched him with disbelieving as he swallowed._

_Damon put down the glass on the table before speaking, "Go home, Elena. Get some rest. There is a whole new day tomorrow."_

_"Damon, I'm your friend." Elena said, as if it was news._

_"I am well aware of that." Damon retorted, eyeing her coldly._

_"And a friend usually knows when a friend is hurt." Elena continued, pretending Damon never had spoken._

_"What do you wanna hear?" Damon asked. "That I cared about Rose? That I'm upset? Well, I didn't and I'm not." He said as he began to turn around._

_"There you go, pretending to turn if off. Pretending not to feel. You're so close, Damon, don't give up." Elena's voice almost sounded desperate as she pleaded for him to fight, to not give up._

_"I feel, Elena. Okay? And it sucks." Elena's face turned into defeat as he spoke. "And what sucks even more is that it was supposed to be me. Jules was coming after me."_

_"You feel guilty," Elena said. More as an statement, than a question._

_"That would be human of me, wouldn't it Elena? And I'm not human._

_"You're the one to talk about giving up, all you've done is give up." Damon spat. How dare she stand here before him, telling him about giving up when she is the one who's giving up. She is the one who's afraid of facing the reality and actually face the consequences._

_"Go home." Damon said again, "There has been enough doom, gloom and personal growth for one night." He nodded his head towards the door, silently telling her to leave once again._

_"Okay," Elena said. "I will."_

_She gathered her stuff and was prepared to leave, when she looked up at Damon one last time. The hurt she saw on his face was more than she could take. She did what she felt was right; she pulled him into a hug and held him close. Damon stood there, not making any sign of responce. He knew he would break down if he did. Tears were burning behind his eyes, ready to burst out any second._

_Once Elena pulled away, all he wanted was to pull her back. Hold her like there was no tomorrow; like they were the only two person in the world. But he didn't. Instead, he stood there and listened to her as she said good night, before she walked to the door and left him alone._

And now, he was in the middle of the street. Drunk and alone. He could hear the sound of birds flying above him, singing beautiful melodies. He heard movement in the woods from animals, probably looking for food. He also heard the sound of an engine, coming towards him. Small, bright lights lit up the road beside him.

Damon laid still, waiting for whoever it was to pull aside and come out. It was all going according to plan. He was tired of feeling, of constantly being reminded that he never got what he wanted. He wanted to turn it off, he wanted to go back to his old self. 'Snatch, eat, erase'. His motto.

As the car drove aside and turned off the engine, he knew it wouldn't take long. But as the door opened and the person inside came out. He was more than shocked to hear a voice he so often had heard before.

"Damon?"

It was Elena. Didn't he tell her to go home?

"Didn't I tell you to go home?" Damon asked. How big was the chances of them bumping into eachother again?

"I was actually on my way. I went over to Bonnie's after I left your place. I needed to.. talk to her." Elena said, obviously hiding something.

Damon stood up and watched her. She looked as if she had cried.

"Well, good night then." Damon turned around and began walking down the street. Was he doomed to not have the possibility to be alone for more than 5 minutes? Was that another curse of his?

"Damon, wait." Elena called after him. She reached out for his arm and spun him around, so he was facing her. He didn't say anything, he waited for her to make the next move. It was after all her who wanted him to wait.

"I'm not going to make some kind of speech, telling you that everything will be fine, because I actually don't know if it will. But I just want to tell you something." She stopped and watched him closely before she spoke again, "While you were out, and I was with Rose. She told me something. About the night when you saved me from Elijah."

Damon's eyes snapped up to hers at the mention of that night. That was the night when Damon had told Elena he loved her. It was the night when he had compelled her to forget.

"What did she tell you?" Damon asked, anger written across his face. He would bring Rose back to life himself and then kill her again if she had told Elena anything about that night. Because as screwed up as it sounds, he had told Rose about his confession. Something he never thought he would do; but the girl could read him like an open book. Just like Elena could. Kind of.

"She told me that I was blind. And that it was okay to love you both, but that I had to make a decision." Elena whispered.

"She told me that I wasn't fair, not to myself, and not to you or Stefan." She just went on and on and on, talking about nothing that really mattered. This wasn't what Damon wanted to hear.

"And she told me.. She told me that you.."

"She told you that I, what?" Damon repeated.

"She said you visited me that night after you saved me from Elijah. She told me you were the one who gave me my necklace back."

Damon sighed in relief. Maybe Rose hadn't told her about his little confession. He would not be happy if she had.

"And.." Elena continued. _Oh great, here it comes.._

"She told me about your..confession. That you said you loved me. And made me forget." Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke. Damon couldn't really understand why she was crying over it. He had done her a favor; she was not going to live with his pain, the pain of knowing his feelings towards her when she loves Stefan. She wasn't supposed to know. When he told her he loved her, it was more because he needed to say it. And she needed to hear it, no matter if she would remember it or not.

"Why did you erase my memory of that, Damon?" Her voice came out as a whisper, new fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

"Because you're not supposed to know," He answered, matter of factly.

"You don't have the right to do that."

"I have the right to do whatever I want." Damon growled. Who was she to tell him what he had the right to do and not to do?

"Not when it comes to other people's minds," She told him, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Damon laughed, a cold glass shattering laugh. She was certainly very brave for a little girl. If she only knew what he was capable of in this moment, what he could do to her so easily if she pushed the wrong buttons.

"Do you think this is funny?" Elena asked. This man will be the death of me, Elena thought as she studied him. What was it with him, that made you want to smack him across the face as hard as you possibly can, and at the same time hug and comfort him? He was impossible to deal with.

"Yes, Elena, I find hilarity in the lengths I need to go to to have this conversation right now." He was sarcastic of course, not that she needed to know that. Though he had a pretty good idea about her already knowing he was when she gazed up at him; her forehead curved together with her eyebrows.

Elena huffed and rubbed her hand over her foreheads before she spoke again, "Why do you do this, Damon? Why are you trying so hard to be the monster you want everyone to see when you're clearly not?"

"I'm not trying to be a monster, Elena, I am a monster. If you haven't noticed, I snap people's necks, I drink their blood and I could not care less for any life I've taken under my 145 years as a vampire." His eyes darkened slightly when he thought about blood, Elena's blood, it had been a while since he fed and it was all coming together now. "And I'd suggest you'd back off and stop trying to find the humanity in me, because there isn't any left. I left my humanity the day my brother decided he wanted to put a curse over my life."

Elena flinched at his words. It was hard to believe it was Stefan who wanted Damon to turn, to feed, not the other way around. Even though Stefan had chosen another diet than Damon, it doesn't change the fact that he was the one who decided Damon's destiny back in 1864.

"Fine. You know what, go ahead, do what the fuck you want. Go back to the old Damon Salvatore who kills people if that's what you want; but listen when I tell you this; if you decide to go back to that, then you can forget about me. If you go back to that old version of you; you have lost me forever." Elena was shaking while speaking. She was afraid he would might not care and go back to his old self, and really not care at all about the fact that he'd loose her. She was afraid that he didn't care about her like she cared about him; or at any level for that matter.

As Damon stood still for a moment, lost in his thoughts, Elena realised what his answer would be. She could feel her heart clench in her chest. She suddenly felt cold and really dizzy. Once again, tears welled in her eyes and she turned around and walked back to her car. How could she be so stupid? How could she for even a second believe that he cared about her on any level like that. Maybe Rose lied to her, maybe it was something she said in the moment, just because she was dying. Maybe she was hallucinating. Making something up because she had nothing else to say.

Elena jerked her cardoor open but found it slammed shut by another hand as she was trying to get in. She turned around and noticed Damon stand before her, eyes full of tears. She had no idea what to do, more than pull him into her arms and hold him. Just like she had done back in the boarding house. But this time, Damon responded and pulled her towards him, his head nuzzled in by the crook of her neck. Elena could feel wet tears on her throat, making their way down her chest.

"I'm sorry," Damon sobbed into her neck. Elena's heart broke at the thought of seeing Damon like this. He was never like this. He never showed a side like this, no matter what the situation might be; he was always the one who was strong and calm. She found herself not knowing what to say, nor do, when they broke apart.

When she looked into his eyes, it was like looking into his soul. He was revealing every part of him; his regrets and mistakes, his love and affection, his every emotion. She almost choked on her breathe, trying to grab a hold of the man in front of her. When Damon began leaning in towards her, his eyes flickered between her eyes and her lips, she did not back away.

What would it say about her if she rejected the man she knew already was heartbroken? What would it say about her if she actually accepted his kiss and liked it? What would it say about her if she kissed him back, when she was in a relationsship with Stefan? What would anything say about her at this point?

All she knew herself, was that she could not turn down Damon. Not when he was like this. Elena wasn't even sure she wanted to turn him down. So when his lips slowly reached hers, she found herself pushing her body towards his and let a slightly hard pressure to his lips. His tongue slipped over her lower lip, begging for access to her mouth which she granted happily. Their tongues fought for dominance, something Elena knew Damon'd win for sure.

When their tongues had met, all thoughts of Stefan vanished from her mind. The taste of his lips was intoxicating. It was almost as if she didn't remember her own name as his hands began stroking her back. Elena broke away, panting.

"Damon,"

"I know, I know.." Damon sighed, "Stefan."

"No.. I mean, yes. But that's not what I meant." Elena started, not really sure how she was going to say what she wanted, "I wanted to kiss you. God knows I wanted to. But, I can't be that girl. I can't do this with you, as long as I'm with Stefan. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to you."

Damon watched her closely. She had wanted to kiss him, but she didn't want to kiss him again as long as Stefan was in the picture. What did that mean? Would she break up with Stefan? Did it mean this was their first and last real kiss? He did not know, everything was confusing.

"So, what are you saying exactly?" Damon asked, unsure of what to think.

"I'm saying that I won't be that girl; I won't be.. Katherine." Elena shivered at the thought of becoming Katherine; to toy with both brothers. To break either one of their hearts; or worse, both. How was she ever going to explain this to Stefan? How was she going to fix this? She loved Stefan. But she had feelings for Damon, she knew she had. She wasn't just sure of what kind of feelings, or how strong those might be.

A heavy sigh left Elena's lips. Her mind working at full speed, trying to think about what she was going to do. She needed time, to clear her mind and to clear her heart.

"How about we get out of here?" Elena asked, "I can call Stefan and explain the situation; tell him I'll be staying with you tonight."

"No need for that, Elena. I'll be fine,"

"But I want to." Elena pouted, why was is so damn hard for this to accept her company?

Damon nodded in respond; he wasn't sure if what he wanted to say next was the best thing. Everything would be more complicated than they already were. Nothing he sure as hell did not need right now. Instead, he drew on his charming face and winked at her, "Your place or mine?"

Elena laughed a little. No matter how hurt he is, he is always trying to cover it up and play it cool.

"I guess Stefan will be at the boarding house, so.. My house?"

"Sounds perfect."

Elena smiled and gestured for Damon to get in the car, while she hopped in the driver seat. They drove in silence until they got to Elena's house. It was deadly quiet as they went inside. Elena called Stefan and told her she was home and that she needed some time alone. She figured Stefan didn't need to know all the details about Damon spending the night with her, even it was just as friends.

As they both laid down in bed, Damon's arms around Elena's waist, she came to the conclusion that this position felt right. It felt safe, and almost like home. She figured she could wait with the whole mind-clearing thing until tomorrow; as for tonight, she was going to enjoy the company of Damon and she would do everything she possibly could to make him feel better.

Elena knew it would take time for him to adjust to everything and become his old-self Elena was used to; but she would be there with him every step of the way and help him. Because after all; that's what friends are for.

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_Wow, gotta say, this one-shot practically wrote itself. My mind and fingers worked together and suddenly, here I am. I really hope you like it and will leave your thoughts to me in a review. It'd mean more than alot to me, so please, let me know what you think. XOXO_


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